


Adrift

by tortoises_in_love



Series: Brighter Than The Sun [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Kryptonian Culture & Customs, Polyamory, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2019-10-02 11:04:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17263079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tortoises_in_love/pseuds/tortoises_in_love
Summary: Kara struggles to find her place as a superhero, while facing the judgement of her city, her cousin and the League. Meanwhile her aunt continues to make her presence known.





	1. Cat Grant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat faces some harsh truths about her hero

**Super Hero or Super Menace?**  
_a deeper look into National City's own super,  
by Cat Grant_

We all know, and presumably have our own opinions on the legendary Caped Crusader of Metropolis and his band of merry misfits. Whether you love them or hate them, trust them or watch indifferent from a distance, we've all accepted their help in times of crisis, when destruction rains down we happily call on the demi-gods to handle it. For all of us, or at least most of us, the sight of a red cape and a charming 'S' is a comfort, a hopeful beckoning towards a brighter tomorrow. We know Superman as a helper, a friend to all, someone who uses his powers for good, and who never in his long career of crime fighting, has ever taken the life of those criminals he so gallantly stops. Not even when they might deserve it, not even when the death of the enemy might be the safer path. Life, above all else, or some such drivel. We all comfort ourselves that while these Heroes might hold the power of gods, they would never use it against us, that they at least held themselves to a higher standard of behavior. 

When Supergirl emerged, I myself can admit to a certain level of giddy excitement. Our own hero, our own Super; and a _girl_ no less. It seemed almost too good to be true. Normally I would hold myself above such foolish hopes, but in a society where I, as many of you, have been trained to see that red 'S' as a symbol of hope and comfort, how could I be blamed for a little foolhardiness? After all I named her, I backed her, I held her aloft as National City's answer to Metropolis's famous Golden Boy. I now find myself questioning all assumptions, and hesitating to put my trust in the Girl of Steel. 

After my fateful interview with Supergirl on the roof of one of National's finest skyscrapers, I reluctantly had to admit myself impressed. Supergirl was canny, confident and capable. She had proved herself at every turn. She pulled planes out of the sky, put out fires, hell she even rescued kittens from trees. She had proved herself just as trustworthy and infallible as her famous counterpart. This was until at my own Company event, the Catco Worldwide Spring Gala, none other than Superman's long-time enemy Reactron crashed the party. 

Many of us will remember the legendary fight last year when Reactron, a normal human with a penchant for fancy suits, put Superman on the ropes. We all watched with bated breath as the Man of Steel barely scraped a victory on the outskirts of Metropolis. Shock, fear, outrage, these are all normal feelings to fave when our unstoppable hero proves...stoppable, after all we have trusted him with our very lives. But victory was had, and Reactron was, seemingly, defeated, until the fateful night of the Gala when he showed up demanding to see Supergirl. No doubt intending to use her against his long-time enemy as some nefarious means of revenge, he most likely suspected what we have all suspected; that Supergirl was less than Superman. Less capable, less indestructible, weaker in some way. How very wrong we were.

The battle cleared the courtyard outside the venue as Supergirl, seemingly trying to preserve the building and minimize property damage, drove Reactron outside. Her arrival while timely, did nothing to deter the villain from his no doubt murderous motives. Now, I was there in Metropolis on the day Reactron fought Superman. I watched as they duked it out just beyond the city bounds, as Reactron seemingly laid The Man of Steel out to dry. I had assumed, as many had assumed, that Superman was trying his best. That he was doing all he could to put a stop to this latest danger to the innocent people he defends on a regular basis. But as I watched Supergirl face this same opponent, I found myself questioning those assumptions. 

While Reactron's hits were no less devastating, they happened less often. Unlike Superman's oafish way of throwing his weight around, using his obviously superior strength, stamina and powers to his advantage, Supergirl moved with intelligence, timing, and finesse. She baited and retreated, taunted and drew him further away from the Gala's guests. She was _tactful_ , mindful of her surroundings and I was again reminded of her counterpart and his tendency to crash into buildings. The damage caused by Superman's battles is devastating to say the least. General Zod's attack stands out, but while it was the first, it was far from the last of Superman's battles that nearly leveled cities, and caused civilian casualties in the hundreds. 

Like many of you, I forgave Superman for these things, tallied them as casualties of war, not his fault. After all, if he hadn't been there we, none of us, would have survived. While the damage was bad, it could have been far worse. But as I watched Supergirl manipulate this, one of Superman's greatest villains, so easily, to casually, I considered for the first time the carelessness of Superman. The immaturity, and lack of skill in his method of crime fighting. Yes, he is a god among men, but here for the first time I witnessed Superman's powers being handled with skill and poise. 

There was no civilian casualty, injury was minimal, property damage negligible. How very like a woman to be mindful of the mess, wouldn't you say? She led Reactron like a mouse on a string, and with utmost control and brutality, she squashed him. I'm not sure I'll ever get rid of that image. A death so violent and sudden it still haunts me. One moment he was there, throwing insults and taunts like the best of them, and the next he was collapsing in on himself, like a bag of bones. Supergirl took the body away, leaving only the shattered windows and damaged ballroom floor to suggest any kind of disturbance had occurred at all. 

Was Reactron a villain? Absolutely. He was a dangerous, psychopathic murderer who has and would surely have continued to take innocent lives. But did he deserve death? Without a trial, without the rights that our country's constitution guarantees him? I'm not sure. I think it's easy for us, for me, to forget that Superman and Supergirl are...not human's with extraordinary gifts. They're not an extension of our government, our police force or military. They are vigilantes from another world, accountable to no one but themselves, and capable of taking our lives in a second. With Superman we trusted his morality, and suffered his recklessness, but with Supergirl we are at the mercy of her judgement. It's not for me to say who deserves to live or die, though I may think some are more deserving than others, I don't have the power to take that life away. I don't have the power to take life as I see fit. Supergirl does. Whether we like it or not, she does, and perhaps we'll benefit from her help. Or perhaps we'll be the next to suffer her devastating final judgment. 

This has been Cat Grant, with Catco Worldwide Media, bringing you the Truth, because you deserve it.


	2. Astra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara faces her aunt

Kara didn’t think she’d ever flown so fast in her life. The world rushed by in a blur of color and sound and all she could feel was the thunder of her blood in her ears. 

“Alex!” Kara exclaimed, cement cracking beneath her feet. The woman holding Alex by the throat turned and everything in Kara’s world stopped. 

Blonde hair slicked back, smooth as metal, skin like polished ivory, eyes the serene blue of her mother's sapphire jewelry. Smoky laugh over the murmur of voices at a party, a dusky gown sweeping the floor as she walked. A face that haunted Kara’s dreams, memories fading more and more every day. Icy shock froze her where she stood, stopping the breath in her lungs, her heartbeat deafening in her ears. 

“Astra,” what was once a perfectly crafted appearance was broken, lost beneath years of dirt and madness. Stringy unwashed hair fell into her eyes, the prison uniform hung off of her too thin body and her eyes, the calm stormy sea that had lead Kara through a childhood on another world, were lost in the black abyss of lunacy. 

“Hello dear niece.” Astra tilted her head, voice dripping disdain as her hand flexed around Alex’s throat, causing her to gurgle wetly. 

“Put her down.” Kara tried in vain to inject steel into her voice, which quavered forth with all the bravery of her thirteen year old self. All of a sudden she wasn’t Kara Danvers, National City's Hero; Supergirl, but Kara Zor-El. A lost and frightened refugee on a planet not her own. The world had shifted on it’s axis and if she wasn’t careful she’d float away, untethered to anyone or anything. 

“Kara-” Alex gasped, hands clawing at Astra’s arm as spittle ran down her chin. 

“Now, now, not in front of company.” Astra turned her too wide gaze on Alex and Kara reacted instinctively, heat building up behind her eyes and snapping forth to knock Astra’s hand away. Alex dropped and Kara stumbled back, shock and fear and horror rolling through her. She hadn’t meant- _her aunt_ , what if she’d hurt...

“Kara run!” Alex gasped, getting to her knees and heaving in breath, her throat red raw where Astra had held her. Kara barely heard her, staring in horrible fixed fascination at the flex of her aunts arm and shoulder, the easy stance of her feet. In her minds eye a hundred old memories stirred; combat practice in Orrum Vega, dancing at the wedding, Astra holding the newly born Kal-El with sorrow in her eyes. 

“That was rude dear,” Astra said, shaking out her hand. 

“Auntie,” Kara’s voice broke, “how?” Astra ginned, her too thin face split grotesquely to reveal yellowed teeth. 

“How did I survive? I might ask you the same question, dear niece.” she stepped towards her but Kara was frozen, unable to move or make sense of anything anymore. “No doubt Zor-El had some mischief up his sleeve that kept you alive, whereas I was saved by the irony of Krypton's benevolence.” the venom in her voice crawled up Kara’s spine, sitting in her heart like molasses. “For while Krypton was destroyed Fort Rozz and it’s inhabitants endured to waste away in the chasm of space.” the rage in her voice shivered down Kara's spine like an earthquake, raising all the hair on her body in it's wake. 

“Astra,” Kara said again, unable to gain her senses, to speak, to say anything at all. 

“Is that all you can say to me?” Astra demanded, a dark shadow flitting across her face. 

“What-” she worked her throat, unable to put words to all of her questions. _Why here? Why now? Why kidnap Alex? What had she done to be sent away?_

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Astra flicked a lazy finger, tsking at Kara’s dumbfounded expression. “This is a cute little planet, for all it’s filled with...pests.” her eyes flicked to Alex in disgust. “It will do nicely don’t you think?”

“What?” Kara blinked, something small and insistent starting to thaw her out of her shock. 

“To start over! Don’t you see Kara this is our chance! They took our home from us, now is the time to take it back!” Kara’s eyes widened and she took a step back as Astra advanced. “None of the terraforms worked, but here we wouldn’t even need one! Here we will be gods!” Kara shook her head. “All we have to do is get rid of the insects who live here. It’s _perfect_!” horror moved it's way into Kara's belly as she stumbled another step back, shaking her head as though to rid her ears of Astra's madness. 

“Astra no! This-this is my home, that’s my sister you can’t…” she shook her head, trying to clear it of the shock of seeing her aunt, alive in front of her. “I won’t let you.” Astra scoffed. 

“ _Let_ me? Oh dear girl, you don’t _let_ me do anything, I do what I want, and you take notes.” The fight that ensued was fast, too fast for Kara to make sense of anything beyond the next hit, the next dodge. Her body moved before her mind could catch up, years of training pushing her to pursue, attack, capture. But in the end Astra escaped, flying off into the distance with a manic laugh and a fateful promise, leaving Kara in the dust as her ears rang and her heart pounded in her throat. 

Kara stood there for a long time afterward, face tilted up and tears running down her face. “Kara?” she didn’t respond. “Kara! We have to go, come on. We have to go now!” Kara didn’t move. “Kara snap out of it!” Kara looked at her sister. Alex was injured. Alex needed help. Alex had been kidnapped. Kara grabbed her and Alex yelped, holding on tightly as Kara took off for the nearest hospital. 

“I’m fine Kara, I don’t need a hospital, we need to go to the DEO!” Alex yelled over the wind. 

“You need help! She almost killed you!” Astra, Astra almost killed her. 

“There are Doctors at the DEO, hell _I’m_ a doctor! Just, we need to debrief!” Kara pursed her mouth but course corrected midair and sped Alex to the DEO base just outside city limits. 

“Supergirl!” The agents exclaimed when Kara landed, putting Alex down on her feet but not letting go. 

“Agent Danvers needs a doctor immediately!” she ordered and the agents hopped to, running off to hail a medic. 

“I’m fine Kara, really.” Alex whispered, holding onto Kara’s shoulder for balance. 

“She had you by the throat.” Kara said, not meeting her sisters eyes. 

“I-” they were interrupted by a team of doctors and Director Henshaw marching towards them, the doctors crowded Alex and Kara finally relinquished her hold as Alex was rushed off to be checked out. 

“Supergirl-” Henshaw began but Kara wasn’t interested. With barely a passing glance she took off. She couldn’t be there any longer. 

She wasn’t sure where she was going, only that she couldn’t stand still. She couldn’t, _she couldn’t_ sit in a room with people she didn’t trust talking about...talking about _her_. So she flew. 

Astra. Astra had been the first to teach her how to drive a hovercraft. She’d taught her how to dance, how to fight, how to wield any weapon in the galaxy. Her mother’s twin sister, her beloved _jara-maum_. 

_You look beautiful little firefly._ She’d consoled her after Ban’s passing, she’d congratulated her at her graduation. She taught her everything, she was her family, she was...she was her _friend_. When Kara couldn’t go to her mother she went to Astra. When the pressures of the worlds came crashing down on her head she sought Astra’s advice, her guidance, her wisdom. 

But that woman in the warehouse with the crazy eyes and the manic smile. That had not been her aunt. That was a shadow. A remnant of what had been. A fraction of who she used to be, and it hurt worse than any loss Kara could have endured. Because worse than losing her aunt, was getting her back as something else. 

Kara hadn't been sure where she was going until she arrived at the Fortress, Jor-El hovering in the corner as she collapsed to her knees, the world frozen and dislocated around her. Her ears rang and her blood roared and it took her a moment to realize she was screaming, and once she started she couldn't stop. All the rage and devastation, all the confusion and heartbreak, it all came rising to the surface before she could stop it. She thought she'd drown in it it was so endless. Sobs cracking through her ribs she thought she'd dissolve with the terrible weight of it. 

"It's okay Kara, just breath. Just breath," the voice was nonsense, distant and lost to her in the torrent but she clung to it to keep from being blown away. 

"She's alive, she's alive, she's-" _a monster_

Hours, days, decades later she resurfaced, hollow and cold and wrapped in her cousins arms. "I got your text," a vacant laugh huffed its way out of her lungs as she sat up and put her back to the wall. It seemed like years ago that she'd sent that, that they'd been arguing over Cat Grant of all people. She hadn't believed it, hadn't wanted to believe it. A part of her had still been convinced it was some sort of trick, someone masquerading as her aunt to torture her. And then Astra had taken Alex and Henshaw had called her and then...and then. 

"Mother never told me why-" her voice came out harsh and scratchy and she cleared her throat, "why Astra and Non had been sent away. What they'd done to warrant..." _that_. Kryptonians didn't get sent to Fort Rozz, Fort Rozz was for the worst of the worst. Those who couldn't be rehabilitated, for whom there was no hope. Krypton's government was pacifistic in nature, they didn't have the death penalty, criminals on those rare occasions when crimes would occur, were rehabilitated and reintegrated into society. After all, anything broken could be fixed. It had confused and hurt Kara to know that her mother thought her aunt and uncle unfix-able. She'd asked In-Ra about them but...in those days In-Ra barely spoke to anyone, let alone the niece that reminded them so much of the lost daughter they could never get back. 

Now though, seeing Astra, perhaps her mother had been right to send her away. "She was so angry Clark, so broken," she wiped furiously at her tears. "She wasn't my aunt anymore," she shook her head, "I don't know what to do." Clark was silent for a while, just sitting beside her and holding her hand. 

"When I first met Zod I was so relieved," Clark's voice was somber, disturbing the silence of the fortress like ripples in water. "To not be alone, to have someone who could teach me about my culture, who could tell me...anything really." he made a face and sighed. "But Zod and his...enclave they were...angry in a way that couldn't be reasoned with. That kind of anger and pain, I can't even imagine what it must be like." he looked over at her, eyes bright and empathetic and the sliver of ice that lived in her heart throbbed. "They drowned in it, tried to bring down everything else with them. I did my best to keep that from happening but...well I've never been a soldier." he said with a self deprecating smile. "Kara you are bright, and strong and capable and you inspire me every day. What you have endured, and overcome, not many people can do that." he squeezed her hand and she let her head fall onto his shoulder. 

"Can you just, stay with me for a bit." it wasn't a question, not really, but Clark nodded anyway. They stayed up there for a long while, until the ice around her heart had thawed enough and the anger was harnessed and she could breath without wanting to scream. She could do this. She could do this. _She could do this_. 


	3. Winn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara deals with Ms. Gran't suspicions and the reemergence of Winn's dad

“Supergirl is a danger to all of us, we saw that first hand last week. The citizens of National City deserve to feel safe in their own homes, the citizens of the world deserve to be able to protect themselves from alien invaders. First Superman and now this- this child from another world who thinks the rules don’t apply to her-” Maxwell Lord’s arch tone cut off abruptly. 

“Hey! I was watching that!” Kara protested, turning to glare at...Cat Grant. Oh. 

“Really? Well I’m sure I can find something to replace it with. Perhaps nails on a chalkboard? No?” She rolled her eyes and strode into her office. “Come along Keira!” Kara resisted the urge to stick out her tongue. 

“How’s Carter?” she ventured, the whole ordeal with the bombs and the train had been...harrowing. A welcome distraction from Astra but still; stressful. 

“He’s fine, hasn’t stopped singing the praises of Supergirl since so I feel it safe to say he’ll bounce back.” Cat sat down and Kara got her notepad ready to deliver the daily schedule. Cat had three meetings back to back and given the rather..conservative opinions of the second she might have to reschedule the last. “Keira,” Kara blinked, Cat was staring at her, eyes narrowed and fingers laced and suddenly Kara was exceedingly self-conscious. She didn’t think there was curry sauce on her top but it was difficult to be sure. 

“Yes...Miss Grant?” she asked, not sweating per-se but feeling as though she might be if she were a person inclined to sweating. 

“You know, I didn’t get a great look at Supergirl during our...impromptu interview. God knows I would’ve killed for better lighting, no doubt that was by design. However the lighting at the train station was remarkably better by far.” a chill ran down Kara’s spine. 

“Oh?” she did her best to try for nonchalance but...well. 

“Mm,” Cat hummed, tapping her lower lip as she continued to examine her. “So, what did you think of my article? Too harsh?” It took Kara a moment to catch up with the change in topic. 

“Um, no, no I thought it was very fair.” Cat raised an eyebrow. 

“Really?” 

“It's important to have an unbiased voice out there, speaking the truth. Even if it’s a truth most people want to ignore. Supergirl and Superman are aliens, just because they’re helping people now doesn’t mean they always will be. Just because they have godlike powers doesn’t make them actual gods, they’re not infallible.” she looked down, adjusting her glasses. “Someone has to keep them accountable.” 

Cat was silent for a long moment, face impassive. “And you think that I am that voice?” she asked finally. 

“Aren’t you always?” Kara tried for a joke, smiling benignly. Cat said nothing, just waved at her to get on with the daily schedule. Kara had never been more relieved in her life. The last thing she needed right now was to have Cat Grant of all people privy to her identity. 

Maxwell Lord though, that was a different story. It was one thing to have Cat out there calling public question to her actions and intentions. That was good, healthy, she wasn’t a god. She didn’t want to be treated like one. Max wasn’t calling public question to her and Clark, he was taking active steps to fight them, and putting innocent people in danger in the meantime. 

She had no doubt it had been him, as for why that was fairly obvious. The same fear and hatred which had driven Lex Luthor to do what he had done, it wouldn’t end well. If allowed to fester it would only get worse. Kara refused to make the same mistakes as Clark had with Lex. Besides, she had enough to worry about right now without adding a homicidal maniac to the list. She was just turning back to her desk when Cat said, casually from her desk, as though remarking upon the weather;

"Thank you, Kara." there were, perhaps, some employers who thanked their employees on a regular basis. Perhaps treated them to lunch occasionally, offered congratulations on a job well done. Cat Grant was not one of them, Kara could count on one hand the times when Cat had said anything even peripherally kind to her, let alone _thanked_ her.

"Miss Grant?" she turned back to her. 

"For saving my sons life," she responded without looking up, reading glasses firmly in place, "rest assured I won't forget it." Kara's mouth dropped open, she shut it with a click.

"I-um, that is I don't- Supergirl saved Carter all I did was," she waved her hand vaguely trying to convey something suitably normal that Kara was supposed to have been doing while Supergirl saved the day. Cat looked up, meeting her eyes. 

"One day I hope to get the full story out of you, for now that will be all, I'm sure you have other work to do." she made a shoo gesture with her hand and Kara numbly walked back to her desk. 

Cat Grant knew. Cat Grant knew she was Supergirl. Cat Grant owed her for saving her sons life. Cat Grant was not currently outing her to the press. Kara put her head on her desk. 

"What's wrong with you?" James asked, sliding by on his way to Cat's office. Kara groaned. 

"Don't ask just...don't ask." she raised her head, eyes automatically sliding over to Winn's desk. She frowned. Winn wasn't working, or watching tv or doing much of anything other than sitting there looking pensive and pale. 

"Wi-" She started only to be interrupted by a woman walking into the bull pen. Well, more like stomping if Kara was perfectly honest.

"I'm special agent Cameron Chase, of the FBI, I'm looking for Winslow Schott Jr?" and oh, the look on his face. 

Now, here's the thing about _Halanath Morum_ , the thing Kara never really thought about on Krypton because it hadn't mattered as much; after you meet them and you get to know them and have your First Touch...things get a little heightened. Not noticeably, it's not a psychic link or anything they're not Martians, but in a room full of people you'll always know where they are. In one and a thousand handshakes you'll always feel the difference, hear, smell, sense where they are in relation to you at all times. On Krypton it was negligible, a fraction more sensitive to Ban than she had been to anyone else. On Earth? Things were...different. 

She could sit at the bottom of a lake on the other side of the world and she'd still be able to hear his heartbeat. She could fly into space and she'd still be able to hear the soft inhale of his breath. It was...maddening, and reassuring, in equal measure. It also meant that she always knew when something was wrong. That morning when she'd woken up, she'd known. She'd smelled the sweat on his brown, heard the clench of his fists and the rapid beat of his heart. Not that she wouldn't have known without all of those things, it was plain as the day written all over his face. Winn was not good at hiding. But he'd come to her when he was ready, he didn't respond well to being pushed. 

However, watching him walk into the room with that agent was a great deal more difficult than she'd imagined. The sudden, violent urge to rip him away from her and fly to the fortress was shocking in its intensity, and Kara had to dig her hands into her thighs just to keep herself from jerking forward. She couldn't have helped hearing the ensuing conversation anymore than she could help hearing anything, everything that had to do with Winn. That didn't make hearing it any easier. She wanted to lay her head down on her desk and beat it repeatedly. She wanted to wrap him up in blankets and feed him chocolate. She wanted to toss his father in the darkest hole imaginable, as far from them as possible. 

She didn't do any of those things, instead she waited very patiently for Winn to storm out of the meeting and then followed him to the balcony, ducking around James's curious stare as she went. James could wait. "You uh, you heard everything didn't you?" She grimaced at him, sorry and not sorry at the same time. He just sighed, hands shoved in his pockets. Winn wasn't often upset, sure he'd get grumpy about games or tv shows but that was a lighter...more carefree irritation. Winn was never...heavy. Not like this. She stuck her hands in her pockets to keep from smoothing out the wrinkles between his brows. 

"You know, for my seventh birthday he built me a Captain Universe?" she raised her eyebrows, she had no idea what that was. "It was my favorite cartoon but there were no toys on the market yet, so for my birthday he made one." he blew out a breath, an empty sounding laugh falling out of his mouth. "It was my favorite toy, way cooler than anything any of my friends had. It lit up and walked and..." he shook his head. "He was always...very good at making me smile." 

"He's your dad." she said, tentatively moving closer. Not too close, her careful distance maintained as always. 

"Yeah but that doesn't mean he's not also a monster." the words were harsh and helpless and they landed like solid rocks in her lungs. "But..he wasn't always," he closed his eyes, pinching his nose and she could smell moisture in the air. "He made pancakes for breakfast and taught me how to hold a wrench, and people used to make fun of him cause he was quiet and shy but he was my dad-" he shrugged, chin wobbling imperceptibly and it took every ounce of self control in her body not to wrap herself around him and never let go. 

"What happened?" she asked instead, fists clenched in her pockets. 

"His boss stole his toy designs," he said, voice watery and eyes unfocused. "Dad lost everything, his job, his dreams," he trailed off, waving a hand to encompass _all that_. 

"There was nothing he could have done?" Winn barked out a bitter laugh. 

"He was a coward, he didn't even try. He just blew up a bunch of innocent people for no reason." in her minds eye Kara saw the gleaming light in Astra's eye as she held Alex by the throat. She didn't know what to say. 

"Why would he break out now?" She asked, Winn shifted uneasily and his heartbeat picked up. 

"Cause of me," he croaked, "it's the anniversary of moms death soon and...and this was on my desk this morning." he pulled a toy out of his pocket. "I was afraid to tell the agent, afraid of what it meant." He looked at her, eyes bright and scared and beautiful and Kara's breath caught in her throat. 

"What do you need me to do?" Rao help her, but she'd burn the world for this man. 

Winn swallowed thickly, "I have an idea, a fucking stupid, reckless idea." Yeah, Kara thought, she knew the feeling. 

~

The warehouse was dark and creepy, and her regard for Winn's father dropped a few more notches. The only thing worse than a crazed mad man was a cliched crazed madman. The least he could do was try and be a little original, "Mr. Schott?" she called, standing at the door to the warehouse, "I'm a friend of Winn's I'm here to help." She could hear his heartbeat, she'd known where he was as soon as she'd gotten close enough to the block. But this was Winn's father, he deserved a chance at the very least. 

"Hello friend of Winn," a little motorized Supergirl doll rolled towards her, tinny voice echoing creepily in the dark warehouse, "wanna play a game?" 

"Mr. Schott this doesn't have to end badly, I want to help you." she said again, for all Winn's vitriol she couldn't quite stomach the idea of hurting his father. Family was family after all. 

"Help me? How on earth could you help me?" She turned to face him, standing on a comically large toy box and holding a trigger for something probably unpleasant. Winslow Sr. was a thin man, age worn by years spent in prison, he had grey hair and Winn's eyes shadowed by time, tragedy and madness. He looked confused somehow, for all he had taken a rather menacing stance. 

"Please Mr. Schott, for the sake of your son turn yourself in, you still have a chance to be a good father." Something dark twisted over his face, anger and hatred and grief warring for dominance.

"I _am_ a good father!" he shouted and pressed the button, the pulley began moving as toy trunks hung from the ceiling moved towards an incinerator of some sort. A child voice echoed from one of them, lead lined so she couldn't see into it. She could still hear though. She rose off the ground slowly. 

"Mr. Schott you're not a bad person, please it doesn't have to be this way." 

"Yes it does, yes it does," Mr. Schott said, chin jutting out stubbornly. "No, I don't think my son should be around your sort, I'll have to take him away. Far away, no, no, I'm his father. I know what's best for him." Something ached in her heart at the confused rambling. Clearly still brilliant as evidenced by whatever traps he'd concocted in this room, but...broken. Severely broken by time and hardship. 

"It's okay Mr. Schott, I'm going to take you too him now, and you'll be together again. Just like before." Mr. Schott wasn't meeting her eyes, he seemed to be warring with himself, the tinny voice in the trunk continued to cry out. 

"Not a very good hero are you? Just letting a child die like that?" he shook his head, "bad for business. Bad for the world, heartless alien." he snorted. 

"I would never let a child die Mr. Schott, but you and I both know there's no child in that trunk." Mr. Schotts face twisted again, his eyes flickering to her and away again. 

"I know, I know. Little children, so hard to get them alone nowadays. News and media," he snorted again. 

"It's time to go now Mr. Schott." she was close now, her voice gentle as she reached for the trigger in his hand. 

"Bombs, I've set the bombs! All over, yes, you can't touch me or-or we'll both explode. Never see Winn again then will I- or you. I meant you." her hand closed around the trigger in his fist. 

"It's alright Mr. Schott." His chin wobbled stubbornly. 

"Just-wanted a minute. Wanted his attention, never comes to see me you know? Never comes to see me. It was his birthday last month, I tried to send him something but he never accepts it. Never accepts it." He let go of the trigger, still shaking his head. Kara wrapped an arm around his waist. He was very light, thin and fragile in her arms, he didn't fight her, he just shriveled into himself, continuing to mutter nonsense into the wind. 

"You're gonna be just fine Mr. Schott." 

~

Winn was at her apartment when she got there, pacing her living room and chewing a finger nail. "Kara!" he exclaimed as she landed with a sigh. It had been a long night of arguing with police and FBI agents over the fate of Winslow Schott Sr. But finally after several phone calls, a favor from the Mayor and a couple well placed threats from Alex, Schott Sr. had been placed in a maximum security care facility in Coast City. 

"He's alright, he's settling into Coastal Psychiatric Care as we speak. The FBI didn't like it but," she shook her head, they hadn't been given much of a choice in the matter. "He'll be well looked after." Winn was quiet for a moment, and Kara let the tension out of her shoulders. She unbuckled her cape and laid it across a chair before beginning to pull her boots off. 

"Thank you, Kara, it means a lot to me." she looked up to see him standing in the middle of the room staring at his hands, his eyes were overbright and he kept shifting his weight as though he wasn't sure he aught to be there. The urge to touch him was suddenly so strong she closed her eyes, focusing on her breath to keep herself from reaching out. 

"Winn, listen to me," she waited for him to pull his gaze from the floor and meet her eyes. She stood and walked to him, getting a little closer than she usually allowed herself, "you are my friend, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you, no favor too great." she swallowed, pulling back on her feelings just a bit, reigning in her control, "do you understand?" Winn's eyes were swimming with tears as they looked into hers, his hands hovering just out of touch, for a heated moment she thought he was going to lean forward, step closer and she'd be gone. She'd be finished, she knew she would. Then with a shudder he drew away and the moment was broken. 

"He doesn't deserve it," Winn said, slumping down on her couch in defeat, "mercy, or kindness." he held his head in his hands. 

"Maybe not," Kara said, sitting next to him carefully, "but you do." he looked at her and she tried a smile. "Winn he's your father, no matter what he did that'll never change."

"He killed people, children." Winn whispered, voice cracking. 

"And he made you pancakes and toys and taught you how to laugh." Winn let out a sound somewhere between a groan and a laugh. "Look, love is complicated, family is complicated. There's no right way to go about it." Winn blew out a breath, leaning back on her couch and staring at the ceiling. Kara didn't move, just allowed herself to look at him. She tried not to too often, it was too hard when she couldn't allow herself to get closer. But tonight she was tired, and sad and the pain of distance was a heavy weight on her shoulders. 

Winn was beautiful, she'd always thought so. She wasn't sure he knew that he was beautiful though, probably didn't get too many reminders. He'd wrapped himself too thickly in sweaters and nervous stammering and nerdy one-liners. He'd assigned himself the role of the less attractive but that wasn't true. He was broad and compact and steady, with thick dark hair and blue eyes that reminded her of Krypton. But it was his dimples that weakened her resolve the most. Those times when he'd grin at her for whatever reason and she'd thank Rao and all the stars for such a gift as this, to just be able to look at him as she was now. It was a bitter joy for certain, but a joy nonetheless. 

"God Kara I was so sick with worry today." He said, head turning towards her, catching her staring but not seeming to notice," I know it's silly and you're indestructible but still if he'd hurt you I-" his jaw worked uselessly and his head flopped back towards the ceiling. Instinctively Kara reached out, grabbing his hand and rubbing her thumb across it, trying not to shudder for the happiness that spread through her at such a simple touch. 

"He didn't," she said, voice coming out dry and breathless, she kept her eyes away from his, afraid of what he'd see in them. "I don't think he's really capable of hurting anyone anymore. Not really." a tug on her hand brought her eyes back to his and the intensity in them set her on fire. 

"Kara," he was so much closer than before, all of her senses sang for it and her hand clenched around his as tears burned in the back of her eyes, Winn took a deep breath. "Kara I'm in love with you." she stopped breathing, "I have been, kind of since the moment we met." the earnestness in his face, the sweetness and the love destroyed her. She couldn't have spoken even if she'd wanted to, she just stared into his beloved face and tried to hang on to the ground, "and I think," he swallowed, "I'm pretty sure you feel the same way." she might have made a sound then, something low and wounded and she was probably crying because here was everything she wanted and everything she couldn't have and it was killing her. It was killing her not to grab him and kiss him and hang on for dear life. It was destroying her not to reach out that small distance and tell him _yes_ and _I love you_ and _don't let go_. 

But he must have seen it somehow on her face because there were his hands framing her face, thumbs wiping her tears and his mouth as sweet and firm as she's always imagined. It wasn't fireworks or molten lava, there was no spark or flame. It was the low warm comfort of home, the bone deep familiarity of someone well loved and well known. Her hands shook as she threaded them into his hair, tears spilled from her eyes as she shuddered into the kiss and like a dam all the repressed desire within her burst forth. Winn grunted as his back hit the couch, but his mouth fell open and she didn't hesitate, lost to sensation and touch and _finally_ , she gripped his shoulders and clung to his mouth and laid herself over him. 

In the end it was his hiss of pain that pushed her back, falling into the far wall and heaving for breath as though she'd just flown laps around the world. Winn blinked in surprise, sitting up awkwardly, mouth red and swollen and face flushed. Kara shook so violently she was afraid she'd vibrate through the wall. "Winn-" she whispered. 

"Kara what's-" she shook her head and he just looked even more confused. 

"I can't, I- I can't do this." and with that she burst from the room, rising high into the sky, boots and cape abandoned as she rose higher and higher, trying in vain to escape the condemning beat of his too fast heart.


	4. Hal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara has a chat with a friend

Space was arguably Kara’s favorite place in the universe, at least since gaining her powers. On Krypton it had been Astra’s house, where she’d learned to fight and shoot and fly a space craft, where In-Ra had taught her to dance and Ora had tried and failed to teach her to paint. She closed her eyes against the memories and allowed herself to drift. 

Space was big and empty and quiet. The silence was her mercy after being assaulted on all fronts by sound and sensation. Up here though, among the stars, there were no voices or heartbeats to move or distract her. 

That was a lie of course, she could never escape him. Even now she could almost feel his breath on her neck. He was crying, if she listened carefully she could hear the stutter of his heart and the soft thumps of his footfalls as he paced and muttered to himself. 

He’d gone home, to sulk and pace and mutter, and she’d come up here to bask in the absence of sound. Perhaps if she flew far enough away she’d escape him, perhaps if she dove into the sun she could burn out the taste of him, the smell lingering on her even now. 

“Well funny finding you here,” she startled, she’d been so caught up in her moping she hadn’t noticed his approach. Now he was a green specter before her, all glowy and annoying. 

“Not now Hal, I’m not in the mood.” she began to float away, not quickly, she was too sad and tired for that. Her feet were getting chilly, she’d left her boots in the apartment. 

“Touchy,” Hal floated after her, “so, what’s gotcha down?” Kara thought wistfully of tossing him through a moon, it probably wouldn't do much to discourage him though. 

“Nothing, just leave me alone.” she hugged herself, drifting closer to atmosphere. 

“Well, if it’s got Miss Sunshine down it must be the end of the world, and, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, I’m sort of in the business of world saving so…” he drifted around into her field of vision. “Come on! You can tell me! It’s me!” he gestured to himself as if to convey his good-guy-ness. Kara rolled her eyes. 

“It’s nothing you could fix, nothing you could understand so just leave it.” she bit off a bit more harshly than she’d meant. To his credit Hal just blinked at her. 

“Wow, I can see I’m gonna have to pull out the big guns.” he rubbed his palms together comically, “chunky monkey?” Kara stopped floating. 

~

“So dish I want all the hot boy gossip, or hot girl gossip I’m not judgy.” Hal looked exceedingly stupid with a pair of too small worn grey sweats pulled over his green suit. Kara, for her part, had changed into her yummy sushi pajamas for maximum comfort. An array of ben and jerry’s pints were strewn before them, she’d already eaten her way through two and was working on her third now. She felt a bit better she had to say. 

“His name’s Winn.” she mumbled into her ice cream. 

“The tech support guy? Did he finally make his move?” Hal suddenly sat up, “was he discourteous? Because I will definitely rough him up for you. Not that you can’t do it yourself, but sometimes it’s nice to delegate.” Kara huffed a soft laugh, which was progress so Hal counted it as a win. 

“No he wasn’t..” she sighed, pushing around the remains of her phish food, “he was perfectly lovely and I fucked it all up.” her voice was thick and she refused to look up, her eyes locked on the melted remains in her carton, it would seem it was time for a new pint. 

Hal gasped, “Such unladylike language from Little Miss Sunshine, whatever would Clark say.” she managed a wobbly smile as she blinked back her tears. 

“He’s said worse believe me.” 

“Now that I’d have to see to believe,” Hal poked his spoon at her and a spot of ice cream landed on her nose. She wiped it off and smeared it across his cheek in retaliation. “Gasp! How dare! I’ll have you know these cheekbones were very expensive, my wife is still paying for them.” Kara laughed, handing him a napkin as the last of the tension left her shoulders. 

“Kara look at me,” He shifted to face her more fully, “I’ve met Winn for all of three seconds and I can tell you you could fart in that boys face and dangle him by his toes from the top of CatCo and he’d still prostrate himself at your feet.” Kara snorted. “No really, it’s kind of sad if I’m being honest. Like a wounded puppydog, I’m half tempted to take him on a date myself and put him out of his misery.” She shook her head, digging into some rocky road. 

“It’s not that simple.” she argued, slumping further into the couch cushions and clutching her pint like a lifeline. 

“Of course it is!” Hal flung his hands up, brandishing his spoon dangerously, “he loves you, you clearly have a thing for him, do the hokey pokey and live happily ever after! But don’t tell Clark I said that, I like my spine where it is thank you.” 

Kara bit her lip miserably, shoving a too large bite of ice cream in her mouth to avoid talking, “aht ib ah urt eeehm?” she asked, Hal blinked at her in consternation. 

“Were I anyone else I wouldn’t have understood that, but as it is I am fluent in ice cream garble.” he set his pint aside, “Kara we’re superheroes, that comes with an assortment of glowy, slightly radioactive and potentially hazardous problems. But love? Like real shoot your grandma for them _love_? That shit’s the stuff we keep superhoroing _for_. You want my advice? Take a risk, kiss the boy.” and with that he shoved a giant chunk of frozen ice cream into his face and winced painfully at the brain freeze. “Orth eet.” 

Kara couldn’t help but grin at him, and then slumped sideways in defeat. “I just can’t lose him.” Hal made a noise and she peeked over at him. 

“So don’t! Hold onto him very carefully so that he can’t run away. I can help you build a cage if you want.” She threw her pint at him but he dodged. “Hey! No weaponizing of frozen confectionery! That is a big no no!” she hit him the second time and it hit him in the forehead. "Oh, it's so on now." 

The ensuing battle was enough to make her chest lighten and the heart ache ease. She laughed uproariously as Hal chased her around the apartment lopping half eaten cartons of ice cream at her, they made a huge mess and Kara felt better than she had in weeks. "Well I hope you know you've brought this on yourself young lady, death by ice cream is a very painful way to go." Kara flicked sticky fingers at him and tried not to think about what a mess her hair must be. 

"Thanks Hal, for everything." She hugged him, smearing rocky road all over his head as she did so. 

"Yup, yeah sure, no problem. Just doing my superheroly duty. Y'know, keeping the world safe and all that." he patted her on the back, smearing chocolate fudge onto her forehead as he pulled away. "Just do me a favor yeah? Talk to Winn, I'm sure it'll all work out just fine in the end." 

"Yeah," she ducked her head, nodded slightly, "you're right I'll just...I'll talk to him." he went to mess up her hair but stopped at the last moment, thinking better of it.

"That's the spirit, get your freak on girlfriend!" he shot her finger guns and wooshed out of her window. Kara rolled her eyes closing the balcony doors after him before turning back to the carnage that was her apartment. She sighed, perhaps she should start with a shower.


End file.
